Dear Madeline, Benjamin and Chloe,
Part of being a Mommy is finding joy in watching your children as they learn to be themselves. Sometimes, when I’m watching, I see hints of myself… something that I’ve done, a look that I’ve given. Sometimes I see your Daddy, and I’m amazed at how much my love for him can still grow, by seeing him in you.
Sometimes, I study your faces. When I look at them, I can see a hint of the babies you once were, around the edges of your cheeks, and in the crinkles around your eyes when you smile. I remember how it felt to hold you neatly in the crook of my arm, and I’m always just a little bit amazed when I snuggle you onto my lap and your legs dangle off to the side… how did your little legs get so long?
I wonder about what it must be like for my own Mom and Dad… do they ever see their baby within the contours of my face? Do they remember so acutely what it was like to cradle me so many years ago? Does their memory play on fast forward, with flashbacks of happy times when a sight, a sound, a smell reminds them of their babies?
I’ve heard it said that with children, the days are long but the years are short, and already I agree. I find myself caught between moments of sheer insanity where I’m wishing for peace, and moments of pure joy where I’d like nothing more than to pause the world and keep you right where you are.
I know that time will continue to turn, and before I know it you will be too tall to snuggle on my lap, and I will need to settle for quick kisses and shoulder squeezes, as you rush off to some part of your life completely separate from me.
I want you to know how much I love you, now as the babies that you still are, and years from now when you’re all grown up, and forever as the babies that you will always be inside my heart. I never knew the extent that my heart could swell, sometimes to the point of breaking with gratitude and love, until I had the three of you.
With All My Love,