If You Give Your Twins Some Glitter…

If You Give Your Twins Some Glitter...

And by give, I mean hide on a high shelf in a rarely used closet.

If you hide 3 eight ounce bottles of glitter in a rarely used closet, your twins will find the stash when they discover that they can climb like monkeys up boxes and baskets to reach the high shelves containing the good stuff. (This will make you think again about the level of child proofing in your house)

If they get the glitter down, you will discover their climbing trick, and you will grab the glitter away and tell them “NO GLITTER! NO CLIMBING!”. You will set the glitter down in an odd location, telling yourself that you have to remember to rehide it, because “now is not a good time for glitter hiding” (probably because you just stepped in dog crap in your entryway, or possibly because you are cleaning up a week old banana that someone smeared under the rug.)

If you set that glitter down in an odd location, telling yourself to remember to re-hide it, you will inevitably forget all about it, because… motherhood, life, full time employment, and a dog that poops a lot in the house.

If you forget all about that goddamned glitter, your three year old twins WILL FIND IT, when they are supposed to be napping, and they will decide that they really DO LOVE SPARKLES and “look, Mommy we wanted to make our room all sparkly!”

If your twins make their room all sparkly, you will find a metric f*** ton of glitter in your daughter’s bed and on their rug, but you will wind up with glitter in your hair, shoes, and all over the poop-tastic dog. There will be glitter on every surface of the house, and strangely, in every toilet. Also, you will be wearing sparkle pants for at least the next month.

If you wear sparkle pants for at least the next month, you will think about your babies every time you see a speck of glitter, and you will smile while you remember how you gave your twins some glitter.


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