How does joy exist for you? Easily? Does it radiate off your skin without effort? Or do you have to work for it constantly?
For me, joy comes in and out of focus like filtered sunlight through clouds.
Many days it’s right there shining down on my skin, warming my heart and feeding my soul.
Other days, I have to work really hard to find it. Those days I can barely feel its’ warmth, and I have to rely on my physical memory and fake it until I can figure out how to pull it out from behind a cloud again.
Those days are hard. Sometimes they come fast and often. And it seems like there are more of them in the middle of winter… March especially.
Those are the days that I struggle to get out of bed, struggle to connect, struggle to smile. I find I have to reach out and hook my cart onto the joy-haulers of others. My family and my friends are my joy haulers. They know when I’m withdrawing, when sadness is starting to creep around my edges. They reach out to me… send me texts and phone calls, pull me along, wrap me up, let me know that they are there and that I’m loved. And with this support it gets a little easier… I remember to breathe. Exercise. Eat well. Connect. Write. Sleep.
And suddenly the sun shines down and I feel warm again.
Suddenly, I can be the joy-hauler for someone else who needs my love.
I have so much to be grateful for in my life. So much love and beauty and friendship. But there is also so much that overwhelms and frustrates me, and I struggle with how to make the conscious choice to not let it get the best of me, to not let the sun slip behind the clouds.
How does joy exist for you?