How does joy exist for you?  Easily?  Does it radiate off your skin without effort?  Or do you have to work for it constantly?

For me, joy comes in and out of focus like filtered sunlight through clouds.

Many days it’s right there shining down on my skin, warming my heart and feeding my soul.

Other days, I have to work really hard to find it.  Those days I can barely feel its’ warmth, and I have to rely on my physical memory and fake it until I can figure out how to pull it  out from behind a cloud again.

Those days are hard. Sometimes they come fast and often.  And it seems like there are more of them in the middle of winter… March especially.

Those are the days that I struggle to get out of bed, struggle to connect, struggle to smile.   I find I have to reach out and hook my cart onto the joy-haulers of others.   My family and my friends are my joy haulers.  They know when I’m withdrawing, when sadness is starting to creep around my edges.  They reach out to me… send me texts and phone calls, pull me along, wrap me up, let me know that they are there and that I’m loved.  And with this support it gets a little easier… I remember to breathe.  Exercise.  Eat well. Connect.  Write. Sleep.

And suddenly the sun shines down and I feel warm again.

Suddenly, I can be the joy-hauler for someone else who needs my love.

I have so much to be grateful for in my life.  So much love and beauty and friendship.  But there is also so much that overwhelms and frustrates me, and I struggle with how to make the conscious choice to not let it get the best of me, to not let the sun slip behind the clouds.

How does joy exist for you?


7 thoughts on “Joy

  1. Thanks for this. I think some people think joy should be easy – but it isn’t always. My joy is in moments of being able to breath easy… moments when I haven’t been listening to too many current events that make my anxiety go up… moments when my children are close by. 🙂

  2. This is such an inspiring piece to come out of two hours of not knowing what to write. Your problem reminds me of a T-shirt I once saw: “Writing is thinking, not thinking written down.” If one can just start to write, anything, eventually one can find what the thought or feeling is that was having such a hard time coming out. And this is a peaceful, contemplative piece. Thank you.

  3. How does Joy exist for me? I am sitting here pondering that very question right now. I appreciate your honesty. We are not and cannot be exuding joy every single minute of every single day. We are human and you remind us of this with your piece. What we do is reach out to those around us for support. Which then makes me think about people who don’t have other people for this. Everyone needs a “joy-hauler” in their lives, don’t they?

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